Let the real Fasting begin..

Lately I just want to develop this habit of burying myself in my book so that I won’t have to face this reality I’m stuck in and keep wishing that maybe I could live in simplicity. I could do it really, I don’t need a lot of material things, just a few that somehow matters. I know what’s really important: God, my family, my friends, TIME.
I’m not tired to be saying this, but I’m thinking of all the good things I could have been happily doing with my time instead of facing all the complications the worldly industry has to offer.
Can I afford to wake up everyday of my life thinking that here goes another day with me losing the purpose of why I’m doing it? no, I don’t want it to be because of the money, but the fulfillment I’ve been so longing to feel ever since I started. I asked God to let me know my purpose in this venture, trying to convince myself that I’m somehow helping other people but I know I feel like I’m doubting it and have just become one of the people who stays because of the security it can give, that I can eat everyday and buy things I need. I tell you, even despite all these I still feel hollow inside.
I want to be doing more, not earning more, I think those are different things, I want to feel the warmth of people thanking you for things you’ve done for them, that you’ve changed others’ lives and maybe by getting that that would change my life too.
I know I’m asking too much, that’s why I know I should be giving up too much too. Am I prepared for it?
Me thinking that I should live in simplicity and the lenten season, its no coincidence. God has given me the chance to, slowly, one by one, leave behind all worldly things in preparation for what’s really important. I may not have thought about it long enough but as I write this I realize I’m ready more than ever, its never too late for me to realize what I really want in life, and here is that opportunity, this window may never open again, this thought may as well be running out of my mind if I stumble. Its a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
I will fast for the remaining days of those that brings me comfort but is not essential, continue what I’ve started and end it giving my best. Then I’m off to start anew…

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